When I encourage clients to practice “sitting with” their harder emotions, it can feel pointless and overwhelming, much like facing rising waves in the ocean. As humans, we often distract ourselves in an effort to resist discomfort. But when a tidal wave inevitably hits, we struggle to stay afloat, only then to realize the lifeboats and fellow swimmers offering support. With them, learning to ride and honor our emotional waves becomes both challenging and freeing. This practice is the cornerstone of truly living, fostering a more vibrant, self-aware, and resilient approach to life’s inevitable highs and lows.

This post introduces RAIN — Recognize, Allow, Investigate, Nurture — a daily mindful self-compassion practice by Tara Brach to help you ride the waves of your emotions. It’s essentially, one of the life rafts. Let’s surf:

1. Recognize

Recognize: Observe all emotional waves, whether positive, neutral, or negative. Emotions come with automatic thoughts, body sensations, core beliefs, and behaviors. Start by noticing whatever naturally presents itself first. Some may find it easier to notice thoughts rather than body sensations, or vice versa. Avoid investigating or nurturing at this stage—be a nonjudgmental narrator of your present moment.

Example: “I’m feeling sad right now, and I notice it in the pit of my stomach. I have a thought that something’s wrong with me. I’m noticing I want to distract myself by scrolling on my phone.”

Ways to recognize:

Proactively check-in with how you feel throughout the day (including where in your body)

Start w/ basic emotions (sadness, happiness, anger, fear, disgust, surprise), and body sensations (tension, discomfort, relaxation)

Print or create an expanded list of feelings (feelings wheel , feelings inventory, feelings book)

2. Allow

Allow: Like climbing into a life raft, give yourself permission to be as you are and float with the waves. Don’t try to surf, swim against, or distract; it’s about trusting that you won’t be swept away. During this stage, observe and gradually reduce any negative feelings about your emotions, known as meta-emotions. This frees up space for a genuine experience of feelings.

Example: “It’s okay to feel sad. Sadness is a natural part of being human—everyone feels sad. I won’t feel sad forever.”

Ways to allow:

Pause and recognize

Ground: breathe, feet on ground, hand on heart, notice surroundings

Find reassuring concepts like: “It’s okay to feel sad.” “I am safe in this moment.” “This feeling will pass.”

3. Investigate

Investigate: Put on scuba gear and explore your emotional ocean with the guidance of an instructor, especially if you’re experiencing constant tidal waves. Life becomes a cycle of delving into the depths with curiosity, followed by floating with the waves. While the waters may remain unknown, you begin to make sense of your world and feel more equipped to navigate it. This is where deeper awareness, healing, and moments of pure gratitude unfold.

Example: “Not sure why sadness is here right now. I have been feeling a bit lost at work, home, and with friends lately. Maybe I’ll journal or have a chat with a friend or therapist to explore what my feelings are telling me.”

Ways to investigate:

Proactively reflect and build self-awareness daily

Use curiosity and care to uncover what needs attention

Seek coping strategies and support as you explore

4. Nurture

Nurture: Offer compassion and care to yourself. This can be difficult to practice, especially when the life get unruly. But treating yourself as you would a friend and engaging in verbal and non-verbal acts of self-kindness are vital.

Example (speaking to your sad part): “I’m here with you. I’m listening. What do you need? Maybe to connect with someone and share my sadness (or insert another healthy way to meet your needs).”

Ways to nurture:

Check-in and ask yourself, “What do I need right now?” through the day

Start with basic needs (rest, food/water, outside, touch, connection, space)

Print or create an expanded list of needs (needs PDF)

More Resources

• RAIN Meditation (10:42 min)
• Rain of self-compassion explained by Tara Brach
• Talks and other resources to guide you

Reflection

Photo of me, Alli.

Many people grow up disconnected from their inner worlds, often prioritizing problem-solving, avoiding, or fighting instead of being with difficult emotions. This creates a lot of individual and collective suffering. Utilizing a concept like RAIN enhances the capacity to sit with and allow whatever arises, fostering emotional understanding and care within oneself and in relationships with others. Acknowledge, be present, explore, and soothe yourself regardless of what arises. May you be well. May you be healthful.